In the wake of defeat Saturday, the Dirty Birds’ “newspapers” finally came to some use: as tissues to wipe away their staff’s unusually salty tears.
Unfortunately, the sheets couldn’t handle the Cardinalistas’ bitter emotions brought on by the 4-3 loss to the Gentle Clowns, as the two-page pamphlet became filled with more tear drops than content.
There was just no consoling the feathered failures, who had come in with heads larger than their Managing Editor Jonah “Silly Boy” Beleckis’.
“Wait, who told you I had a big head?” Beleckis questioned repeatedly after the game to no avail.
When Herald Sports Editor Dan “Snarknado” Corcoran caught a pop out to end the Dirty Bird’s beleaguered victory attempt, the Gentle Clowns celebrated a sporting victory three years in the making.