/Dr. Kirk Schulz steps to the stage in Beasley Coliseum
"Ladies and gentlemen it is now my honor to present to you one of your own. A man whose mark is so permanent on this school, it's still on the underside of one of the bars at the Coug. He won't tell you where it is though, lest you think about covering it up. Coming to the podium now, Mr. Robert Michael Preston, Washington State University Class of 2010."
/light applause with audible gasps of "Who?"
"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. It's my distinct pleasure to be here with you today for the third year in a row.