Lol intro? Absolutely the [extended, many-minute-long bleep] not.
A 37% Sober and 100% Accurate Rundown of Absolutely Everything
Let’s begin.
Actually, where do you even start? In something like this, Xs and Os are more or less superfluous. What am I gonna do, break down tackling failures or Dillon Johnson’s emergence or Mike’s absurdity for the 1,000th time? As if any of us wanna read about that. I don’t wanna write about that.
The only thing that feels appropriate here is just, like, seven paragraphs going “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHaaaaaand scene.” Actually I might just do that.