Alright, it’s time to level with you all: I haven’t yet watched the BYU game.
That’s because it turns out it’s really hard to watch a football game when you’re at a dreaded fall wedding that happens to be going on at the exact same time. Luckily, there was free champagne (duh) but that only makes up for about 1% of missing what I’m told was positively a beatdown. Suck it, 2008 BYU. We win this time.
Anyways, since it’s apparently really difficult for one to write takeaways for a game they haven’t seen unless you’re an on-air talent for ESPN, I’ve instead written a quote-for-quote script based on last Saturday, informed solely by a combo of the few things I’ve read, what other writers have said in our group message, and liberally-applied artistic licensing.