The Oakland Athletics have acquired a new closer in former New York Metropolitan RHP Jeurys Familia.
You don’t give a shit about that, though. What you give a shit about is that former Commodore Will “Youth Hockey” Toffey, the #17 prospect in the A’s system, will be riding the busses in the minor league system of Apu Nahasapeemapetilon’s favorite baseball squadron.
The Mets will also receive reliever Bobby Wahl and an ass-ton of international spending money ($1 mil in bonus money) to give to the buscones who altered the birth certificate of any number of “16 year-olds.