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Alexandra Petri: You can’t impeach the president! It’s unconstitutional!

Actually, you are not allowed to impeach the president! Please cease this unconstitutional activity at once and listen to me. I know the law. I know what the Founders intended.

This is not a real impeachment inquiry. If it were a real impeachment inquiry, the president would be able to call a witness and approach the bench (he has not gotten to approach the bench once) and say, “Objection, your honor!” and Mariska Hargitay would be there looking warm but stern, none of which has happened. I am definitely a lawyer, just like Denny Crane before me.

Never in history has Congress (not even a real branch of government, filled as it is with Democrats, something the Founders wouldn’t have wanted) so trampled over someone’s rights!