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Alexandra Petri: Please enjoy Facebook dating. It’s a thing.

Congratulations! Welcome to Facebook dating! Yes, this is a thing that exists now. You have kept nothing from us at Facebook, sometimes on purpose, and now, in recompense, Facebook will find you the one person you deserve. Buckle in for some matches based on our understanding of your preferences and the kind of content you generally engage with!

You've been matched with ... Dave! Dave combines all the fun of a high school acquaintance's engagement announcement and 900 photos of a colleague's baby.

You've been matched with Henrik. We predict high engagement levels for you and Henrik (Get it?