Look, it has come to our attention that people in this state are not being correctly represented. By “correctly represented” I mean “represented by Republicans.” This is why we as a legislature are taking steps to make sure the voice of the people can be resoundingly heard. You would think doing something like voting would make your voice heard, but voting only muddles things. Sometimes, due to some kind of confusion or flaw in the system, voters do not select Republicans. It is this strange tendency of hundreds of thousands — nay, millions! — of Democratic ballots to appear in boxes each Election Day that has left us so unshakably convinced that voter fraud is rampant.
Alexandra Petri: Don’t mind us! We are just making the voting more fair.
