*It should go without saying – but for legal reasons, it can’t – that what follows is entirely satire. None of the statements attributed to the various personae were actually made, and no one mentioned below had any knowledge of or gave any consent to this exercise. Also, despite no-showing in several games this season, the men’s basketball team has not actually shut down…I’m pretty sure.
In other words, this is a work of fiction.
Memphis 78-63 UCLA
DARREN COLLISON (UCLA Bruin, 2005-2008): That was a tough one. Texas A&M, Western Kentucky, and Xavier had all been physical teams, so maybe we were still reeling from them, but Memphis played with a speed and physicality that we just couldn’t seem to match.