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ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FORCED FIRES (BUT NOT IF YOU GO 3-2)

Sympathy from the Devils? Not quite. Just one day after expressing sorrow and concern for Head trojan Football Coach Steve Sarkisian, U$C Athletic Director Pat Haden has axed him. Yesterday, Haden put Sark on a Leave of Absence, implying that the University cared about Sark’s addiction, and wanted to nurse him back to health. So in order to help Sark recover, Haden fired his ass today. Doesn’t getting fired make you want to drown your sorrows… in alcohol?

Of course, Sarkisian is NOT getting fired because of the alcoholic demons that are haunting him — He is absolutely being fired due to his team underachieving on the gridiron.