I could curse when people use the C-word about Tottenham at Wembley - stadiums don't lose matches... plus, Arsenal missed a trick by missing the flicks and England cricketers need to know their boundaries and use their nut (but not like that, Jonny)

Does Martin Samuel even watch cricket? Most of his articles about it smell of a man who just sees the headlines on Sky Sports News and recycles it onto here. Harry, Leicester.

Samuel, we do not need you stating the obvious. Chief sports writer? Chief armchair sports writer more like. Noall Kirke, Cardiff.

Chief ‘whoopee another jolly for me writer’. Dave Stockport, Stockport.

Samuel again? How is he in several places at the same time? Only God is omnipresent. Oh, it’s TV watching? Surely not, I can do that. Ericjimbob, Tunbridge Wells.

Actually, mate, you couldn’t even do that.