On Friday night, the NHL conducted its Draft Lottery Show, in which a number of white men gather to have a contest over who can move their face the least in response to career-altering information. They also decide the selection order for the upcoming entry draft, which will go down in history either because of the great players selected or because it turned out to be the last draft before the collapse of civilization from COVID/fascism/murder hornets/superfluous Star Wars films.
This draft is usually considered to have one gold-plated, can’t-miss superstar, Rimouski Oceanic winger Alexis Lafreniere. Lafreniere, or “Laffy” as he is required to be called by the Law Against Interesting Hockey Nicknames, has a whopping 112 points in 52 games this year.