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Why is almost no team interested in Bill Belichick?

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Presumably, Bill Belichick didn’t work up a résumé after he parted ways with New England earlier this month.

That’s because, again presumably, his 302 regular-season victories, his 31 playoff victories, his 20 double-digit-win seasons, his 17 division titles, his nine Super Bowl appearances and his six Vince Lombardi Trophies don’t need to be bullet-pointed and uploaded on ZipRecruiter.