Ryan Lochte doesn't know the difference between Canadian Thanksgiving and Yom Kippur, wants to open an all-black clothing store and never had a credit card before this fall. These are just some of the glorious details in a hilarious-in-that-dark-sort-of-way profile of the disgraced Olympic swimmer in New York Magazine.
But our favorite? That involves ninja rap.
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Yes, as the headline suggests, Vanilla Ice is here to protect Lochte. They're both competing in "Dancing With the Stars" because of course they are, but Lochte's presence has drawn some negativity in light of his recent awful fabrications that disparaged Brazilians for no good reason.