In the golden age of social media, back in the days when people wanted attention but didn’t feel like doing their own dental work with a nail file on TikTok, they would get permanent tattoos declaring a sports team would win a championship months in advance of the season taking place.
It was the ultimate guarantee.
Those were simpler times, but sadly the cost of relevance has risen to a point where I’m not comfortable playing ball. If the tattoo trend was still the way to get your boldest sports take out to the masses, though, I may run to my local parlor and get this zapped onto my forearm in the days following the news that Jimmy Garoppolo will miss the remainder of the season with a broken foot: The 49ers are going to win multiple playoff games with Brock Purdy at quarterback.