MIAMI -- Deep with the bowels of FanFest at the 2017 MLB All-Star Game, real-life mascots took part in a home run derby. Who won scarcely matters. What does matter is that Stomper -- right-wise and fightin' totem of the Oakland Athletics -- summoned up his mightiest efforts and found, to his mounting chagrin, that they yielded nothing more than a tepid pop-up.
Why are we telling you this? We are telling you this because this present media outlet shot slow-motion, action-news, color-television footage of the moment in question. Please regard, and also please activate the audio so as to appreciate the industrial clang of implement upon implement .