Let me take you back to 1996: Manhattan Beach, California.
Seminal west coast punk band, The Descendents, hadn't put out an album in almost a decade. When they finally did, the album was called "Everything Sucks", and it had some pretty solid tunes, most memorably "I'm the One" and "When I Get Old". It also featured the popular Descendents cover cartoon character, Milo, reading a newspaper that was headlined by the words "Everything Sucks".
This is basically you, right now, reading this recap. You are Milo. Everything sucks.
It actually started out pretty well. Brandon Guyer lifted Mark Buehrle's very first pitch of the game into center field for a triple, and was eventually knocked in on a two-out Logan Forsythe single to put the Rays up 1-0 in the first.