The internet is a wasteland of garbage. Just an absolute wasteland of garbage. A post-apocalyptic carnival of depravity. The newest room in this toxic funhouse is called Cameo. If you’re not familiar yet, Cameo is a website where you can pay a celebrity to record a personalized message. That might sound fine but like most things on the internet, the reality is a bizarrely distorted version of the pitch. The purest distillation of the site is Pauly Shore recording surreal improvised birthday greetings from in front of a stock laptop webcam in a sad poorly lit apartment for $150 a pop.
Here’s what I would pay all of the 17 hockey players on Cameo to say in a video
