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Stoke City 2-1 Southampton: Peter Crouch sinks former club after coming on for Saido Berahino who has now missed FOUR penalties since his last goal

For poor old Saido Berahino, we are now entering that desperate stage of a goalscoring crisis where the figures are broken down and historical landmarks are recalled.

The cruellest reading goes something like this: 582 days, 13,969 hours and over 50 million seconds have passed since Berahino last scored a competitive goal.

Berahino's last goal arrived in the heady days when Brexit remained a pipe dream or the stuff of sweat soaked nightmares, depending on one's allegiances, when Donald Trump was a TV personality rather than the US President and Roy Hogdson harboured the hopes of a nation as the England manager.