Hey there, you beautiful Cardinal fan you. Can I just say you’re looking especially attractive today? I don’t know what it is about you, but you’re definitely something special. (I’ve decided to fully enter the Wayne Newton phase of my writing career now.)
First off, I’m going to do something I don’t think I’ve ever done before, and just flat-out shill for the organisation. Now, I’m not shilling directly for the Cardinals, but I am going to shill for a wholly-owned subsidiary of same, and thus pretty much jump straight into sellout territory regardless.