When I was in third grade, my teacher asked our class to come up with an invention that no one had ever seen before. Naturally, possessing a childlike imagination not yet sullied by the reality of the adult world, I drew a picture of rocket-powered rollerblades, an idea that I shamelessly stole from an episode of Jimmy Neutron. Even I, a nine-year-old larcenist of intellectual property, thought that rocket-powered rollerblades—while an undeniably awesome invention—was a far-fetched and unachievable concept—stuff of cartoon folly. Impossible.
However, it’s 2016 now and the times they’ve been a-changin’. There’s a hoverboard in every home in America, infants learn to text before learning to talk, and the Kardashians have hijacked the title of America’s First Family, residing in Calabasas and anchoring all of their professional achievements in the initial success of their eldest daughter’s sex tape (the American Dream is alive and well).