Spurrier's still around. The body ain't even cooling. That way lies madness.
Let's all take a deep breath and try to cobble together some perspective on the next HBC conjecture for a hot second, please. Spurrier hasn't even expressed a desire to step aside after this season and we're already preparing to grind up the remains into a smooth blend of herbs and spices to spread on Lane Kiffin banners because the guy has a penchant for wearing visors and not getting play calls in on time.
Chip Kelly is not coming
HIS SHOUTINESS, JON GRUDEN, is not interested
Mark D'antonio is not waiting for a fateful phone call to bring him home
Now I know what you're thinking, and, yes, we could chlorophyll, hog tie, and transport appealing head coaching candidates from around the country to an undisclosed lab that is definitely not Dr.