Storylines upon storylines. The UEFA Champions League Group Stage Draw 2022-23 was full of them.

Thursday’s procession in Istanbul signaled the start of a hectic European schedule that somehow has the 2022 World Cup plonked in the middle.

Clubs must make it through all eight of their group stage fixtures before the November showcase in a run that is great for supporters, but terrible for hamstrings.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at the winners and losers from UEFA’s ceremony that always, ALWAYS lasts too long.

Winner: Anyone Who Watches the Group of Death

Group C: Bayern Munich, Barcelona, Inter Milan, Viktoria Plzen

Whisper it quietly.