Sepp Blatter, FIFA grand overseer and real-life James Bond villain, won his fifth consecutive term as FIFA president on Friday, largely due to the fact that autocrats don't lose elections.
His only challenger, Prince Ali Bin al-Hussein of Jordan, withdrew after pushing the election to a second vote, leaving the incumbent to claim total victory.
Blatter then spoke to the world of international soccer as a conqueror might address the shackled citizens of a defeated nation, declaring himself "president of everybody" and in need of "ladies." Really.
Clearly, this was a bad but expected outcome, and while Blatter had his day, the assembled masses of the Internet had the last word on the extension of his regime.