It's time for 90min to rebrand itself as 80min and start covering rugby, because football is no more.
It's a regrettable development, but we've been left with no choice now that the sport we all love has finally peaked out. The goalscoring feats of Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo, Liverpool's comeback in Istanbul, Leicester's 5000/1 Premier League title win, Zinedine Zidane's career-ending headbutt; all hugely memorable, but even combined they cannot hold a candle to the goal scored by Fagiano Okayama's Hayato Nakama in the J2 League this weekend.
Think this is idle hyperbole? Take a look for yourself.