We’re coming up on spooky season, so here’s a scary story you’ve seen many times before before: the Mariners, edging towards national importance and gaining playoff momentum, play a high-profile nationally televised game, proceed to throw up on their shoes, and lose badly, embarrassing both themselves and the fanbase.
They do so against their hated division rivals, in a ballpark designed by the fine people at Shrinky-Dink, painted the subtle and pleasing hue of “nuclear traffic cones,” that sounds like the inside of your head might after you get into an ill-fated raki-drinking contest with a Hagrid-sized stranger.