“All is well,” claimed J.P. Crawford, staring slightly off-center to the camera for some reason, “there is no reason for alarm.”
The shortstop for the Seattle Mariners brushed raindrops off his brow for the first of a few dozen times throughout the clearly phone-recorded clip delivered to media outlets via Chicago White Sox PR. He squinted as though perhaps attempting to perceive something in the distance, and continued.
“Despite h-hateful and bogus reports that playing tonight’s game was a-an ill-advised mandate by the W-White Sox to get this matchup in n-no matter how poorly they prepared their field to h-host professional baseball, I can assure you there is no-NO validity!