Mariners win series, smash dingers, haunt Manfred’s dreams in four-hour game

This isn’t how it’s supposed to be going.

We’re supposed to be checking the box scores out of West Virginia, dreaming on the future, and hoping for players like Domingo Santana and Omar Narvaez to show that they’re long-term pieces for the distant next great Mariners team.

Instead, this team continues to play scalding-hot baseball and are two bullpen meltdowns away from being undefeated. They’re doing this to leaderboards:

They’re Homer, gleefully eating donuts in Hell’s “Ironic Punishments division.” They’re a large, unbothered dog crashing through every agility jump.