Mariners take your sulky teenage self to Disneyland, force you to have fun, win 10-7

You begged for weeks, you made rational arguments that teenagers stay home alone all the time, and when all that failed you threw an old-fashioned tantrum, and still, still it didn’t work. The Mariners packed you into the family station wagon, a 2020 Ford Patience with a rebuilt engine, wrote “Disneyland or Bust” in colored sunscreen on the back window, and drove off towards the California sunset. And what was the first thing you saw when you pulled into the parking lot? All your cool friends from ESPN.

Oh my god kill me now you hissed, and no one listened, and instead shoved you through the gates to Main Street.