Through the first five innings, I was working on a fun recap theme. But I have to pocket it for another time because this game doesn’t deserve it. This game barely deserves a recap at all. It was the worst of all worlds: It wasn’t quite bad enough, and the Mariners haven’t been quite out of it for quite long enough for this game to have been funny rather than a colossal bummer.
At least it was fun in the beginning. The Mariners sent nine men to the plate in the second inning. Suárez kicked things off with a double off the Basil Monster that Verdugo probably should have caught, but instead he crashed off the wall.