There are only so many times you can say “today was a typical Mariners game”, and there are only so many ways you can say it. You can do it through fantastical allegory, deadpan Buzzfeed-style comparisons, or wry despondency. Some days, though, the Mariners just play like the Mariners, and the only thing you can say is: “well, yeah, Mariners.”
Today was one of those days the Mariners played like the Mariners. Here’s me saying “well, yeah, Mariners”: their limited offense came through cheap grounders and bloopers that happened to find purchase with runners on base.