If you spend any time on the internet at all, 1) congratulations on having the same rusted-out punchbowl filled with Dorito dust and old shoelaces for a brain as I do; and 2), you’ve probably heard of Florida Man. What you might not know is Florida Man is not one man, nor even a man, nor necessarily based in Florida; no, Florida Man dwells in the hearts of every one of us, the shadow-self that propels our most ill-advised choices and tells us that piece of pizza from the back of the fridge is perfectly fine to eat. Like three spirits popping up at Christmastime, Florida Man appears when things are as they should not be, like today, when the Mariners woodchippered their way through the Rays’ pitching staff—a team that, and I cannot stress this enough, just swept them.
Mariner Men defeat Florida Men, 9-3
