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Guide to Seattle Mariners Tasteless Merchandise

Marketing, they say, is a necessary evil. I guess that’s probably a thing multiple people have said, and therefore I can say that “they” say that. There are seven billion people, you know. They say a lot of things. But even they could not hardly have come up with these items from the MLB.com shop, branded with the logos of yourrrrrrrrrrrrr Seattle Mariners! These are the Chone Figginses of Mariners merchandise. The Adam Linds. The Jack Wilsons. Dammit, Jack Wilson.

This appears to be unavailable online at this point. Maybe you can get it in store, if the store is located in the mountains far from civilization.