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Five-tool bobblehead, one-tool Mariners; Rangers win 15-1

No single person was able or willing to recap this game, which perhaps ended up being best for everyone’s mental health. In lieu of a single recap, here is a three-person recap straight live from T-Mobile Field.

Innings 1-3: Grant

When we acquired Mallex Smith, as a fast, slap-hitting outfielder, I assumed he was coming equipped with stellar defense. I figured he must have the speed to run down hits in the gap and throw out anybody trying to take an extra base.

Thirty games in, I’m ready to admit defeat. Perhaps it’s that his glove is the wrong size, and today he certainly didn’t get any help from his pitcher.