Today the Seattle Mariners and the Detroit Tigers will engage in a baseball game, providing actual fieldwork for the classic “If a tree falls in the forest” parable. Today’s game is also good and necessary because prior to this exact moment I thought Jordy Mercer had gone missing. Turns out he’s just been working for a middling company in Detroit, which is kind of the same thing.
While we hoot and holler and wonder who the hell Brandon Dixon and Christin Stewart are, it’s probably good to remember that all baseball fans are doing the same thing at the bottom third of the Mariners’ order.