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Dallas Keuchel is still inexplicably a free agent

I want to play a game.

Imagine you’re the near-billionaire owner of a Major League Baseball team. You literally have so much money that if you decided to pull a Joker and burn $100,000 in cash every day, you would have a nice campfire going for the next 19 years.

Now, imagine your team actually has a legitimately great shot at the playoffs. Wow! Good job, excessively rich person! Your hard work of writing checks has paid off! But don’t start celebrating just yet—even though your team is, say, tied for first in the National League’s Central Division with a record of 23-16, your starting pitchers haven’t exactly made other teams shiver their timbers so far.