And now comes the time in Super Bowl week where the pundits have talked themselves into a state of lightheadedness, where the athletes have developed a visceral reaction to note pads and microphones, where the coaches begin to draw down the curfew, and the commissioner conducts a lengthy, disingenuous news conference so soul-sapping as to cause reporters to gnaw on the inside of their cheeks to keep from pitching to the floor.
You know what happens then? Fiona.
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Fiona is a hippo — no relation to Hippo Gozdowski, a fullback/guard/center for the 1922 Toledo Maroons — who resides in the Cincinnati Zoo and has been making Super Bowl predictions her whole life.