SAN DIEGO — The San Diego Padres fell 5–1 to the Chicago Cubs last night, a poor result that is almost entirely do to the influence the millennial generation had on the game.
“The data backs up the fact that the outcome was due to millennials,” said Padres manager Andy Green. “Our starting pitcher tonight, Edwin Jackson, is a millennial and he didn’t even get to the sixth inning. Unfortunately, not being committed to things is a trait of his generation. They really need to fix that or our country is really going to be in trouble.”
The Padres also managed only two walks in the game, which Green attributed to “the lack of patience millennials have.