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Backwoods Old Coot Phil Robertson’s Pre-Race Prayer Calls For Jesus To Win Duck Commander 500, Or Something

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Race report on Saturday from the Duck Commander 500 at Texas Motor Speedway:

Chad says there may be some loose lug nuts on 48

Ha — that was indeed true, and it wasn’t confined to 48.

The Duck Dynasty Robertson clan, whose company sponsored the event after NASCAR cut ties with the NRA, turned the proceedings into deleted scenes from Elmer Gantry when patriarch Phil Robertson gave the invocation, thanking “God and guns” for getting the crowd into the Texas Motor Speedway for the race. He ended his speech by announcing his hope for “a Jesus man” to win the White House.