NEW YORK — Alex Rodriguez announced his retirement from baseball today, simultaneously announcing that he has launched a new website designed to feature writing from “really cool guys and celebrities like me.” Rodriguez’s retirement post was the first on CoolGuysTribune.net, which the longtime slugger admitted is modeled after Derek Jeter’s The Players’ Tribune, but will be “way cooler and have way cooler guys.”
“Welcome to The Cool Guys Tribune,” Rodriguez wrote on his new site. “Your source for first-person stories from the coolest athletes. Don’t accept any imitators or competitors. They are less cool and probably run by people who weren’t nearly as good as baseball as the Publisher In Chief of Cool Guys Tribune, me: Alex Rodriguez.