1. Well, here we go again. Wonder how badly we’ll be beaten this time?
2. No, stop that. Be positive. This could finally be our year.
3. Two minutes ‘til kick off and a guy in the Tartan Army is already topless. But where’s his chest hair? One of life’s great mysteries.
4. Ah, good old pre-match music. “500 Miles” should really be Scotland’s national anthem.
5. It starts… and our centre-back immediately gets a yellow card. Amazing.
6. Our goalkeeper is time wasting already. 0–0 is clearly in the sights.