Dear 49ers HR department,
Upon arriving at my new office, I was shocked to find that it had not been cleaned, nor had any of the contents from the team’s previous coach been removed. There was also peanut butter on both sides of the door handle. This is unacceptable.
I have gone through the trouble of cataloging the items found therein, and would like them removed IMMEDIATELY. They are as follows:
- Coaches playbook that has had its contents exchanged for an old copy of “Goodnight Moon.”
- Rotary phone shaped like a slice of pizza.