Fantasy football is awesome - as long as the people you're playing with are awesome. With most fantasy drafts happening in the next few weeks, we decided to call out the fantasy players no one wants to see in their league...
8. The Draft Dodger: If you can’t all do your draft in the same place, watch out for this chump. They’ll take the player you desperately wanted with their first pick, then disappear. While the rest of you sit there, seething as the clock ticks down on the rest of their picks, they’re off playing scrabble, baking cookies, or...whatever it is they do.
7. The Hoarder: You need a running back. Somehow, they have seven. No matter what you offer, they’re perfectly happy to keep Zac Stacy and Arian Foster on the bench while you’re stuck with a platoon of two guys on the IR and Mike Tolbert.
6. The Wishful Thinker: Offers Adam Vinatieri and the Jaguars defense for Peyton Manning, then acts hurt when they get shot down. Hoping that someone will be stupid or drunk enough to accept their offer, they’ll try to sell you on a dozen hilariously bad trades over the course of a season. “I’m just trying to help your team, dude!” they’ll say, even though they’re more obvious than an email from a Nigerian prince.
5. The Billy Beane: Think fantasy football is just a game? The Billy Beane spends days slaving over a mathematically infallible excel spreadsheet specifically for your draft. Every pick takes into account WPA and EPA/P and WP%GDT*. They pick up an undrafted rookie RB on the waiver wire, and the next week he runs for 200 yards and 3 TDs. The Billy Beane will win your league 99% of the time.
4. The Accidental Contender: Takes a four-week vacation to India in December, totally forgets to set any lineups, and somehow makes the playoffs. Meanwhile, the QB you decided to bench at the last second goes for 400 yards and 4 TDs.
3. The Matt Millen: The exact opposite of the Billy Beane. When they took a kicker in the third round, you wondered if they knew something you didn’t, but when they’re losing every game by 75 points you’ll realize they had absolutely no idea how fantasy football is supposed to work. Even though they drafted Andy Dalton with the fifth overall pick, they'll still find a way to chalk up their terrible record to bad luck. Beating them by 120 to seal their winless season isn’t even fun – it just feels mean.
2. The Sore Loser: Fantasy football should not affect your friendships. If it does, you need to seriously re-examine some stuff. It’s perfectly fine if you’re a little salty that Rex Grossman knocked you out of the playoffs by throwing five touchdowns for your friend’s team – but there’s absolutely no reason to sulk about it for a week.
1. This guy
Do any of these remind you of someone? Send this list their way and let them know this kind of behavior won't fly in your league!
*Winning percentage in games played in a dome on Thursdays
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