Happy Thanksgiving! We hope you're enjoying the most American of holidays, a day where eating so much you have to go lie down isn't considered bad form - it's pretty much mandatory. To commemorate the turkeys on your table, we've put together an easily digestible list of the biggest turkeys in the sports world this year.
A-Rod
Alex, just admit you took steroids and move on with your life. We never thought we'd yearn for the days of 24/7 Tebow coverage, but A-Rod's self-indulgent soap opera wore out its welcome years ago.
Richie Incognito
We've gotta hand it to Richie Incognito. After being exposed for bullying and sexual harassment, it took some serious cojones to make himself out to be the victim.
James Dolan
James Dolan is what happens when an incompetent, temperamental underachiever suddenly inherits a marquee sports franchise. In a league that tries to make it impossible for teams to stay bad for more than a few years, he's kept the Knicks terrible for over a decade now. It's honestly kind of impressive.
Kendrick Perkins
We're getting to the point where it feels kind of mean to rag on Kendrick Perkins. Being one of the worst professional basketball players in recent memory is bad, but then he had to go and punch a woman in the face over a fender bender, and, well, welcome to the list.
The Houston Astros
The Astros are fresh off their third 100-loss season in a row, and they've now lost 498 games over the past five. 498. Their combined payroll is less than the Yankees are currently paying Alex Rodriguez to stay away from New York. The Houston Astros are a factory of sadness.
Ryan Braun
Instead of admitting that he'd done steroids, Braun decided to try and destroy the reputation of the guy who accused him, trying to label him as an anti-semite. When it turned out there was, you know, indisputable proof that he'd done steroids, Braun backpedaled and made a canned apology.
Lane Kiffin
Kiffin leeched his way from one high-profile job to the next despite a complete disregard for honesty and a career winning percentage just over .500. When it became painfully clear that he was a good recruiter with no idea how to run a football team, USC canned him in the LAX parking lot - which was kind of the perfect ending to the Lane Kiffin saga, in our opinion.
Lance Armstrong
Like Ryan Braun, but so, so much worse. Back in January, the evidence for Armstrong's doping became insurmountable, and he finally dropped his suit against the US Anti-Doping Agency and admitted that yeah, the adamant denials he'd been making for over a decade were total BS. Lance, the things you did for charity were awesome, but you personally were not.
Manti Te'o
Unlike Aaron Hernandez and A-Rod, who made this list by being genuinely awful humans, Manti Te'o is here because he was born without the part of your brain that tells you not to date suspicious people you met on the internet, then lie about it after you find out they faked their own death. The fact that Te'o's formerly deceased girlfriend "Lennay Kekua" turned out to be a dude named Ronaiah was just the icing on this very unfortunate cake.
The Jacksonville Jaguars
From the misguided revival of Tebowmania to "Denard Robinson, Offensive Weapon", there was just no way this was gonna end well. Just look at the Jaguars 'War Room' for last year's draft - they brought this on themselves.
...and your biggest Turkey of 2013:
Aaron Hernandez
Aaron Hernandez was clearly much better at football than he is at trying to get away with crimes. "They'll never catch me if I throw the gun into the woods and lie really well" is like, Scooby-Doo-level bad guy reasoning.
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