Ah, 2018! I can still almost remember what it was like to be alive in February 2018. Drake was on the radio, and there was an Olympics! Did you know that there was an Olympics in 2018? Someone reminded me recently that this happened, and I ceased speaking mid-conversation and just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I have lost all track of time. I entered 2018 a comparatively young, spry individual; I am emerging from it broken and in need of ointment, like Scott Pruitt (a man you may have forgotten, who a very long time ago was the head of the Environmental Protection Agency).
Alexandra Petri: 2018 was a year that happened
