Jake Livermore says his positive test for cocaine was the "get out of jail free card" he needed to start to come to terms with the death of his son.
The 26-year-old Hull midfielder failed a drugs test in May 2015, almost a year after his newborn son Jake Junior died.
The Football Association decided not to ban him because of "the unique nature of circumstances" involved.
"It was a human being who got lost in circumstances and didn't know how to react," Livermore told Football Focus.
"The drugs were irrelevant. It was something a lot deeper than that that I needed to get off my chest.