A million monkeys typing for a million years would eventually bang out a recap descriptive enough to capture the horror of the Portland Trail Blazers’ 124-81 loss to the Minnesota Timberwolves on Monday night. But if they did that, your eyes would melt before you got three paragraphs in and we’d be forced to eliminate the whole monkey colony on general principle. So let’s just skip it and say the Blazers lost bad. Really bad.
If you missed the game, well, run. Run away hard. But if you want to see how it went, you can find our quarter-by-quarter recap here.