We like to think we, the Phillies fan base, are comprised of thousands of individual beating hearts and minds, firing off opinions that distinguish us as unique vessels of thought. But in truth, to the Phillies, we are very much an amorphous blob, leaving a slick, shiny trail of half-truths, bizarre notions, and illiterate Facebook comments in our wake. And they need our money.
The easiest way to do that is to sign the best players available, and we all know what that means right now. But the Phillies recognize that the idea of “Bryce Harper, Manny Machado, both, or nothing,” could be disastrous for ticket sales, so they’ve sent probably exhausted President of Baseball Operations Andy MacPhail—whose name has the word “fail” in it, but with a “Ph,” if you’ll recall—out to temper the expectations set by billionaire owner John Middleton; to be the brake to his gas pedal, as our John Stolnis has put it.