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The Hans Crouse Origin Story: Pirates 5, Phillies 0

A powerful supervillain was born this afternoon at Citizen’s Bank Park. This is his story.

It was Saturday afternoon, the Philadelphia Phillies were playing the Pittsburgh Pirates, and Citizen’s Bank Park was buzzing. It was loud in the stadium, but Hans Crouse could still hear two fans talking in the stands.

“Hey, who’s that pitcher we got in the Spencer Howard trade?” one of them asked.

“Oh, you mean Kyle Gibson,” replied the other.

“No, no, the other one.”

“Ian Kennedy?”

“Nope, not him either. You know, the other, other guy.