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Mixed Genre Fanfic: Phillies 7, Twins 2

As soon as Ryan Howard got his second hit of the day, I knew something was awry. And as the Phillies got closer to winning, things got even weirder. Queue high-pitched theremin.

[Typeprint: FBI Offices, Washington, D.C.]

— chris jones¯_(u30c4)_/¯ (@LONG_DRIVE) June 23, 2016

Mulder: Scully, check this out. [points to picture of Ryan Howard finishing a home run swing, projected by overhead, spraying sunflower seeds out the bag in his hand all over the floor] You know who he is?

Scully: Of course I do. That's Ryan Howard.